Spoof on Krazy

I am inspired on the article I have just read from MORE MAGAZINE entitled 'A Country of Women' April 2011.  In no way do I dispute the passion of these women, however I dare spoof to enlighten the gravity of the situation now facing the whole world with the radiation expulsion of Japan.  (Reported to already affect California)  I encourage you, men and women alike to read this article and especially note the visual on page 124.  The 78-year-old woman that looks tough as nails, and proud to regain her home in the dead zone of Chernobyl.  As Scarlett was quoted to say:  "As God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again."
Ingredients:
1.  Ionization chamber- (The principle of these chambers are used today in smoke detectors)(cheap fix)
2.  1 radiation badge (I still have mine from my hospital trauma days) (very very cheap)
3.  Knowledge of Dosimetry (is the technique of measuring the amount of radiation that can cause a given amount of biological damage. It is common practice in medicine)
4. Collard greens
5.  Pig Fat
6.  Sprinkle of sugar
7.  Vodka
Clean collards, put in large pot, cover with water, and bring to a boil.
Add Pig fat
Quick boil on high for 1 minute, then turn down to simmer
Sprinkle a pinch of sugar in pot.
Simmer for 1 hour.
Spoon out; add your favorite hot sauce. Check your levels, (may take a few days)
I apologize; I do not know what this woman does with the Vodka.  The collard green recipe is mine; I am at loss with the vodka.
You will only get the true effect of this spoof if you get the magazine and turn to page 124.
If your Carbon-14 level and Potassium level are within the norms (Nuclear weapons fallout is estimated to be less than 1 mrem a year)...enjoy.
In all honesty, I salute the passion of these women in the article. I just don't know that I could do what they are doing.  Maybe that is what the vodka is for?